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Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

CHURR-OH-NO

Tuesday, December 31st, 2013

a churro with cotton candy on it

While it is true that I am a whitey-white ass who had her first churro on the Redondo Beach pier sometime in the 1970s,  nonetheless I’m pretty sure that a cotton candy churro is super wrong.*

*Let it be known I tried to embed the image but Instagram code won’t work on our ancient WordPress that we can’t update because we can’t back it up because my computer died and I am using a work computer that won’t let me do anything.

Saturday, December 21st, 2013

a photo of a cake with a womans smiling face on it. there is a cat on the op of her head

That last post reminded me of my favorite cake decoration of all time—this woman uploaded the photo or whatever and then told them she would love it if they would put a little cap on her head ,  because it was a graduation cake, but they made it SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.

Hey Mugsy! Got Any Ancient Grains Tips?

Monday, November 18th, 2013

For some reason or other, perhaps because we used to update this blog, the lovely folks at Specialty Foods Magazine have been sending copies to Meatball and myself since 2010 or so. (Apparently a subscription is Very Official—both our subscriptions come to my house, which prompted my mail carrier to add her name to my mailbox. I think she can get on my insurance now.) We should probably tell them to cancel but it is an amazing read. My favorite coverline so far is this month’s:

ANCIENT GRAINS TO WATCH

piles of grain

Never turn your back on an ancient grain! Amaranth will cut you as soon as it will look at you, and quinoa is probably picking your pocket right now. Sorghum and kamut? Forget about it.

What I don’t get, and what I just realized is my point because I had Cheerios for dinner and crackers for breakfast, is that why the anti-carb cartels aren’t using ancient grains to their advantage. If you think about it, every civilization that once at those grains is dead. A true fact, and proof that carbs kill, if you ask me.

BRB Honey, just running to the corner slaughterhouse

Monday, July 29th, 2013

the interior os a slaughterhouse with a dead cow hanging from a meathook and a woman standing next to it

As if books and blogs weren’t enough, foodies are now seriously being awful. A Times story today stunned us with the news that “There has been a recent rise in street corner slaughterhouses and urban animal husbandry.” JFC! and KFC! DID NO ONE READ THE JUNGLE BUT ME?

Which Witch?

Friday, May 31st, 2013

an image of Willow Rosenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

“Method-actor captains and decent-sculptor waiters; tattooed chefs de partie, willowy hostesses, bookish sommeliers…”

One of these things is not like the other, Sam Sifton.

The Real Reason Hostess Is Going Under

Tuesday, November 20th, 2012

Sometimes We Hate Being Right

Wednesday, March 14th, 2012

…because this is so wrong.

headline that reads "failed backyard farms lead to growing number of homeless animals"

Breaking news: people suck.

You should read the whole thing, but here is a choice excerpt:

The Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary gets weekly calls from people looking for new homes for their roosters, goats and other animals. Founded in 2004 with just a few chickens and a rooster, today the 23-acre refuge in Woodstock, N.Y., is home to more than 200 animals. While most of them are the result of investigations into farms and slaughterhouses, “a surprising number” are rescued “from the streets of New York City,” according to the sanctuary’s website.
“We get calls all the time from people who don’t want their animals or can’t afford them. We get emails about roosters found in the city or goats being neglected or pigs that are going to be killed if we don’t take them,” says Elana Kirshenbaum, programs coordinator at Woodstock.
As the local food movement takes hold and urban homesteading gains popularity, more people are giving backyard farming a try. The prospect of fresh eggs and milk inspires them to bring home adorable chicks and goats — but when chicks grow into roosters or goats begin eating the landscaping, these animals are often given to animal sanctuaries or simply abandoned.

As luck would have it, I’m heading up to a different farm sanctuary in May, and you better believe I’m going to bring some printouts and see if I can get those damn animals riled up enough to start a movement.  I’m pretty sure Elliott, a badass goat who escaped a meat market in Brooklyn, is ready to get Orwellian. (Remember it was Muriel the goat who could read and figured everything out.)

The One Person We Wanted to Keep Talking

Saturday, November 5th, 2011

Andy Rooney, an old white man with bushy eyebrows, in a suit and tie, sitting at a desk with books behind him.

 

As you all know, we here at Shut Up Foodies consider Mr. Andy Rooney to be our patron saint and trailblazer in vaguely angry social commentary. (Our other patron saints are Charles Dickens, Flo Kennedy, and Al Flipside. Actually those are mine. Meatball’s are irrelevant because she is still asleep.)

 

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Honestly, “What’s wrong with coffee-flavored coffee?” is as trenchant and relevant today as it was when he first said it 200 years ago. Or was it 150? Anyway, we were supremely flattered to have been compared to him once, even though it was by someone who says “meh.”

Only Andy would take the time to expose this nutrage and be so focused on his truth that he completely does not die laughing saying “nuts” over and over. (Note that he takes the time to get English Major on Planter’s ass and explain the difference between “less” and “fewer.” Zap!)

 

 

I’m glad we took the time to honor Andy with things like Andy Rooney Friday back when he was alive and we still cared about and updated this blog. I’m sure for him heaven is full of mixed nuts and rainbows, as it should be.

Seriously.

Friday, October 7th, 2011

A green pot with a green lid and two handles. the caption reads "Fennel Braiser $204.95"

Get Some Skin in the Game

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

This is hands down the MOST DISGUSTING THING EVER and I am including a lot of shitty blog commenters on that EVER. Every single person in this story on chicken skin, which includes a discussion of “skinwiches” and chicken skin tacos (OH THE JOKES), should be forced to wear this mask, which is made of chicken skin and available, of course, on Etsy.

A mask of a human face that is made from chicken skin and is disgusting

In other news, our hero, Andy Rooney is retiring. His first piece for television, back in 1964, was “An Essay on Doors.” A brilliancy.

It is grosser even than the above mask which is made of chicken skin and being sold on ebay.