Month: March 2010

Shut Up, Bacon III

First, turn the sound down on your computer. Then, head over to Boss Hogg’s Bacon is Meat Candy Bacon Club, “Where ‘Baconism is More Than a Mere Philosophy, It’s Our Very Way of Life!” You can recline on your bacon pillow, slather on some bacon lip balm, and eat some bacon candy. Which is, ironically, strawberry flavored. There is also a chocolate-and-bacon concoction called sueyts. (Get it?)

Or perhaps you prefer the sophisticated bacon stylings of the Royal Bacon Society, where they blog about bacon, share bacon recipes, discuss bacon pet products, and even have a section on bacon porn! (Dear Reader: I did not click.) There are people getting bacon tattoos. They are putting it in tea. Bacon tea.

I don’t get it. Why? Why? Why bacon? Why? Is it because it is salty? Is it because it is fatty? Is it because it is from pigs? Why bacon? WHY WHY IS BACON THE HELLO KITTY OF FOOD? WHY?

Not only that but loooooooooving bacon is now this kind of shorthand for loooooving life. It’s like the Rachel Weisz character in the movie version of “The Constant Gardener.” She’s a lusty earthy lady who is possibly having lusty earthy affairs as she traipses around Kenya saving children. Her character is so lusty that she is always doing succulent things like picking grapes off the table and eating them with her fingers, and sucking the spoon as she makes soup because she is so freaking sensual and fertile that she has to keep shoving it in your face or she’s going to have a baby right then and there or something.

If that movie were made today, she’d be eating bacon all the freakin time.

The Sins of the Foodies

             

This thread on Serious Eats, where foodies confess their secret shameful eats, is fantastic. The best part is their triggers—anyone see a pattern?

When my dad, sister, and I watched Super Size Me on dvd, we craved McDonald’s so badly we went to get some! I’d never even had a quarter pounder until that night. I really don’t think Morgan Spurlock had that effect in mind.

Whenever I watch documentaries about, or read books about, how bad processed food is, it makes me seriously crave McDonald’s so bad that I usually end up going to get some.

I usually eat dinner while watching the Biggest Loser, and recently ate pizza (homemade the crust, at least) watching the new Jamie Oliver Food Revolution show. Whoops!

I curled up in bed with the new Cooking Light magazine, the NCAA basketball tournament, a cup of hot chocolate and a plate of cookies on my nightstand.

Eating an ice cream cone while riding my exercise bike? And probably watching something on Food Network at the same time.

I will sit reading a Saveur while eating a Krispy Kreme doughnut or a bag of Cheetos.

It’s usually Orange Chicken from Panda Express on Biggest Loser night.

I will enjoy a bowl of the Pebbles later while reading The Omnivore’s Dilemma or watching Food, Inc…

I almost always drive through McDonald’s on the way home from Whole Paycheck after buying organic good for you stuff.

—Snacktime

Prescription Beer Goggles

                       

From a Seattle Times story about the cask ale renaissance:

It’s a beer perceived to be warm, flat and tasting of vinegar after a few days. You can see why cask beer has had such a marketing challenge, and why most bars haven’t stocked it.

Now, though, beer fans and foodies can’t get enough of it. It’s been recast as the thinking man’s beer, with all the nuances and complexity of a Bordeaux.

I can’t wait to hoist a few with Ira Glass.

—Snacktime

The Real "Roots"

                          

Fresh Express has launched a salad genealogy service! Called “Leaf Locator,” it allows you to scan in the UPC code on your back of greens and get what they call “the story inside.”

HEARTS OF ROMAINE

Leafy greens inside:  Romaine Lettuce.
The leafy greens inside your bag were grown in Yuma, AZ. Once our experts determined the leafy greens were at their peak of maturity and flavor, they were harvested, cooled, thoroughly washed and quickly packaged, creating the crisp, fresh salad for you to enjoy.

Did You Know? Romaine lettuce was named by the Romans who thought it had healthful properties

I did not know, and this leaves me wanting more! Did my greens have a nice life before they came to see me? Were they pulled roughly from the ground, or gently tugged? How can I be sure they were at the peak of their maturity? I’d like to see some brave Romainians trace their heritage back to the mother country. It could be very powerful for other greens to see their ancestors and learn about how they came to this country.

—Snacktime

In Which I Consider Rock Music, Foodie Culture, and Entertain a Theory

Bear with me here. I was in another one of our local fancy fooderies because, no joke, I enjoy going in and looking at the $8 candy bars. Eight dollars! And I was thinking, well maybe it would be great if all candy and food like this cost a fortune, because then people would eat less of it and it would be kind of like how gas costs so much more in Europe (“petrol” for you Brits) and therefore they drive less. But of course there is not artisanal gas. Yet.

Then I became distracted by the conversation going on between the owner guy and a customer about beers and blended beers and all kinds of malarkey about the types of yeast Americans use, vs those in other countries and then they were making fun of the people at a nanobrewery—not a microbrewery! smaller—who maybe didn’t know what they were doing and were releasing some kind of gas into the air above the beer. In case you aren’t clear, this is apparently super amateur.  It was that kind of hilarious dude one-upmanship combined with gearhead talk that makes me laugh on any topic.

As they continued to chat, and I continued to eavesdrop, I got even more distracted, as I often do in this store, because the owner looks exactly like this (cute) musician I know who is the only person alive who still uses the term “indie rock” and who is totally the kind of person who would engage in such sensitive guy territory marking. (I call them “Elfa Males.” Get it?) Anyway, I lost track of the beer talk.

But that’s OK because it was then that it hit me—probably half of this foodie stuff, at least the parts in Brooklyn, Seattle, and Portland (SEE A PATTERN?), is from musicians, or frustrated musicians! God, I have been so blind!

Think about it. Who has more time, when they aren’t on the road, or even when they are on it, to obsess about food? Who loooooves equipment? That’s right: Musicians. And let’s face it, some of them can perhaps tend to be maybe just a little tiny tiny bit self involved. 

More evidence: Moby owns a precious tea emporium, Eric Erlandson sells raw vegan food, and Ted Nugent has a cookbook, as does Sarah McLachlan (shocker). There is a whole website devoted to cooking with rock stars. People, Shane Fucking McGowan is going to have a cooking show. What is he going to cook? His liver?

The rise of foodies and the decline of the music industry can’t be coincidental. Basically I am beginning to suspect that the whole thing is due to Napster. I will crunch some numbers and get back to you all on this.

—Snacktime

Bowling for (Foodie) Dollars

Great news for foodies who just can’t face adulthood—like Congress!—The Cereal Bowl has opened in our nation’s capital. Their press release tells me that The Cereal Bowl “takes cereal to a whole new level,” and that the company will soon have over 30 locations, including one in Qatar.

The Cereal Bowl is franchising hot on the heels of  Cereality, who were inspired “to celebrate the very personal nature of enjoying a good bowl of cereal, anywhere and at any time.”

You guys, have you ever really thought about how hard it is to get a bowl of cereal when you want it? If it weren’t for places like the Cereal Bowl and Cereality, where would you even go? I have been trying to source some locally—I’m thinking one of those big stores with the aisles of food and push carts might have some, but I am not sure. I’m told that children often know good places to get cereal, so if there isn’t a cereal franchise in your town, definitely try asking one of them.

—Snacktime