Archive for January, 2011
If you, like me, just had your mind blown seeing Hillary Clinton, the United States Secretary of State, just support the popular uprising in Egypt, you might be thinking back to other protests that have been happening, many of them related to food. Food insecurity is a leading cause of war, crime, and insurrection. Also! Food insecurity is not what happens when you feel like your scones are a little dry. I’m sure you can figure it out. Check out some of these links and reflect. How could you help more people access food–not the food you think they should be eating but just actual FOOD? How about making sure the people who are part of your food chain are as well taken care of as the pricey ingredients?
Here’s a list of some recent demonstrations surrounding food insecurity and other food issues.
NEW! Contest rules! See below!
When we first read about the movie Bitter Feast last year, we were of course excited. A film about a chef who takes a food blogger hostage because of a bad review! It has all things we love: revenge, pettiness, murder, and.. well that’s more than enough for an excellent movie, because if you start adding more things we love you’re going to start having robots and suffragists and Rachel Zoe and that’s a lot in one bit of cinema.
We sent then an impassioned fan letter and they wrote back and called us, with talk of private screenings! At fancy hotels! Perhaps I went too far when I suggested it would be great if they had a private screening and then when the lights come up, a blogger in the audience is covered in blood, because we never heard from them again. Some people just don’t take themes seriously.
Anyway, we did hear from their publicist, who offered us a free DVD in the hopes that we would do a giveaway or post about the movie on our blog, and I wanted a DVD so I was all, sure, send a screener! And now the publicist has been so dogged and so nice that I can’t be a dick and blow it off, even though I still haven’t had time to watch the movie. Not that it matters, because admit it, you all want a free DVD too, whether it’s good or not! We are all hamsters really.
OK: WOW. I cannot read these haikus. Stick to your dayjobs, people! I’m giving one to buttercup. The other four go to the next people who email us at email@example.com and this is why I HATE GIVEAWAYS AND ALL OF THIS CRAP. Perhaps someone ought to make a movie about a blogger who takes a commenter hostage. Just thinking out loud here.
So we’re going to give out some free ones (I think 3? Maybe 5?!) to the writers of the best haikus in praise of Sandra Lee that appear in the comments or are emailed to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
For those not familiar, Sandra Lee is someone foodies love to hate, and obviously we love her. She is the First Partner in our state! Here are some of our thoughts on Ms. Lee:
The contest rules are that we will make a subjective and arbitrary decision based on our inner conception of what a good haiku is and what a proper tribute to Sandra Lee is. It’s possible a friend or relative of ours will win–they’re talented! OR IT COULD BE YOU. Our friends could just watch our copy. Deadline is Feb 1! ON YOUR MARKS.
Remember, a haiku is:
First line seven syllables
Second line is five
Last line is seven again
See what I did there? Basically created a wormhole by writing a haiku about haiku. Don’t steal my idea.
Breaking Holy Fuck News! Sharp-eyed comments readers will note that a savvy individual came along to tell us that haikus are actually five-seven-five, not seven-five-seven. Obviously we already kind of knew that because of still being alive and not sucked into the wormhole, but she explained why, and that’s important. In other news I found out today I have to wear glasses AND contacts at the same time, which, I know, is really sexy, but will likely prevent mistakes like this in the future.
Is the haiku thing too hard? Should we do something easier? Maybe just tell us how awesome we are and what you’d serve us if we came over to your house?
I know I’m not alone in thinking this is fascinating.
Well, I was expecting a myriad of responses to be extremely porny, but some people really answered good-naturedly, such as ClareJay who said, “I took a quiche out of the freezer earlier. To be quite frank, she’ll just have to make do.” Or MrDrewy who said, “ANYTHING SHE WANTED!!!! PIZZA, HOT DOGS, CHILEAN MINERS ANYTHING!!!!!!” Enthusiasm. It’s really what’s for dinner. However, the best so far, in my opinion is: whoismatthew: ”Haggis Nachos – whatever else?” Mmmm. Haggis nachos.
I think I’d have to make Ms. Minaj a Pepsi float. And the Pepsi would be borrowed from my roommate. As would the pistachio gelato that would be the ice cream portion of this concoction. Served in a hollowed out potato. Yum!
Grub Street New York reports on the latest opening in Williamsburg – Mable’s Smokehouse:
“There wasn’t a place in our neighborhood to find the food we grew up eating,” says Love. That food — borracho beans, Rotel-Velveeta dip, Luzianne sweet tea, hot links imported from Schwab’s in Oklahoma City, pulled-pork tamales, and, of course, pie — makes its debut in a suitably honky-tonk setting that the couple built themselves.
As an avid fan of Rotel & Velveeta, mixed together, drizzled over tortilla chips – I find this… to be… stupid. Of course Velveeta & Rotel isn’t served in restaurants – you make it at home and cry into it while wearing your pajamas and watching Ryan Gosling movies like any other self-respecting creep. Am I the only one irritated with this? I grew up eating Schwann’s pizzas – are they gonna trick them out for Williamsburgers too? What about celery with peanut butter in it? Bologna & mustard sandwiches (with the mustard drawn on in a smiley face)? No? Too far?
There’s no price listed for it on their menu, but it better be less than making it yourself. Also – you’re not fooling me with “housemade BBQ corn nuts.” I buy mine at 7-Eleven like the other toothless no-goods.
PS. Wonder Bread sucks
Who would have thought that a picture like this would be so useful. Of course, if I ever have a meat course AND a fish course, please alert my butler that I will also be needing a spoon for the candy course.
Castle Fryskull is a legendary/mythical location situated in a barren McDonaldland. It serves as home to Ronald McDonald and to the mysterious and rarely-seen Hamburglar, as well as a place of refuge for the Happy Meal Gang and the McNugget Buddies. Its origins are unknown except for the fact that it was constructed to protect an unspecified source of power from those who would misuse it. It is a frequent target for the forces of evil.
(pic found here)
While browsing here, I discovered a new tumblr that criticizes restaurant websites with some choice quotes, such as:
“I really like the way their cheesy elevator jazz interacts with the music I was listening to in iTunes.”
“I log on more frequently since I know the menu is coming soon.”
“I’m particularly partial to those restaurant websites where the background is dark (say, black), and so is the text (say, maroon)! It makes reading like a work-out for my eyes. Thanks for keeping my peepers strong, restaurant website!”
I salute you, Never Said About Restaurant Websites! You’re picking up our slack!
(the 60s cocktail menu up there is really just so Snacktime calls me for a drink)