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Archive for December, 2013

CHURR-OH-NO

Tuesday, December 31st, 2013

a churro with cotton candy on it

While it is true that I am a whitey-white ass who had her first churro on the Redondo Beach pier sometime in the 1970s,  nonetheless I’m pretty sure that a cotton candy churro is super wrong.*

*Let it be known I tried to embed the image but Instagram code won’t work on our ancient WordPress that we can’t update because we can’t back it up because my computer died and I am using a work computer that won’t let me do anything.

Will Bacon Finally Shut Up in 2014?

Tuesday, December 31st, 2013

cartoon drawing of Porky the Pig character with type of his signature line "That's All Folks"

According to the New Hampshire Register, bacon is on the wane! Most of the story is confusing stats that I ignored because I believe in most economic theory about as much as Ani Di Franco believes in sincere apologies. There is a lot of stuff about median reports, lean-hog futures, and such. Yawn.

This is my favorite part, though—topic transition of the year, methinks!

Barley & Grain in New York offers a Bacon Manhattan, while Double Down Saloon in Las Vegas serves a Bacon Martini.

A spreading virus called porcine epidemic diarrhea may curb gains in pork production. Reported in 19 states since April, the virus slows growth of older hogs and has a mortality rate as high as 100 percent in suckling pigs younger than three weeks, data from the Iowa Pork Industry Center data shows.

DOUBLE DOWN INDEED. I wish you all a new year free from porcine epidemics and full of baconless martinis.

I can’t.

Monday, December 30th, 2013

Zack Morris

A glance at the list of restaurants celebrating their 10th anniversaries in 2014 makes it clear that 2004, like the years 1967 and 1991 in music, or 1939 and 1999 in film, was a game-changer for the city’s restaurant scene.

From The New York Times’ article 2004, the Year That Changed How We Dine; 12/30/2013

My eyes just rolled out of my head and down the hallway, out the door and into the street and got ran over by a livery cab. This comparison is the pits, NYT. THE PITS. Ugh.

Pizza Monster.

Monday, December 23rd, 2013

The LA Times says, “This is not a joke.” The Mirror calls Macauley’s take on Warhol’s eating a hamburger but with pizza, “deeply weird.” Noisey says the video shoot “smells like ass. A very doughy take on ass anyway.”  Stereogum added the final coup d’etat, “Yeezus? Fuck that, meet Cheezus.”

The Pizza Underground. I wanna see you live. I’ll borrow my girl Beyonce’s pizza getup and y’all better get ready.

SHUT UP, CHRISTMAS BACON

Monday, December 23rd, 2013

SORRY CAN’T TYPE BUSY GRINDING MY TEETH TO NUBS AT THE CONCEPT OF A BACON YULE LOG

. OH WAIT ONE MORE THING AND I WILL GO TO LOWER CASE FOR THIS BUT KNOW IN YOUR HEART I AM STILL SHOUTING:

Not only is Applegate ruining something I consider holy, Christmas decorations, but their website has a section called FAQS. THIS MAKES ME CRAZY LIKE A CRAZY CRAZED PERSON. What does “FAQ” stand for? “Frequently Asked Questions.” IT IS ALREADY PLURAL. You literally cannot have FAQS. I WILL ROONEY THIS TO MY GRAVE.

Are You Ready for a Tomato as Big as Your Head? (That’s What She Said)

Sunday, December 22nd, 2013

a woman in a tomato costume

The Los Angeles Times asks this gripping question today, in a story about, yes, giant tomatoes, now available from Burpee.

Burpee is also offering a Baby Boomer tomato variety that will bore you to death and only grows if you play it Studio 360.

Saturday, December 21st, 2013

a photo of a cake with a womans smiling face on it. there is a cat on the op of her head

That last post reminded me of my favorite cake decoration of all time—this woman uploaded the photo or whatever and then told them she would love it if they would put a little cap on her head ,  because it was a graduation cake, but they made it SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.

Robots are wasted on foodies.

Saturday, December 21st, 2013

Some chef in San Francisco has a robot that etches menus and messages onto like, squash. What an excellent use of technology! Maybe someday he can borrow the automagictron that Baskin Robbins uses to put your picture on an ice cream cake.

Take Another Lil’ Pizza My Heart, Beyonce.

Saturday, December 21st, 2013

I’d say we all put our pizza pants on one leg at a time, but this is Beyonce, and she surely has some extra special, surprise! the pants are on at midnight! sort of way to dress herself. If I wore this outfit, I’d be ridiculed in the streets, but this is Beyonce, and she looks both quirky and fabulous, all at once. Does Beyonce even eat pizza? An article on E! points out that Bey is now vegan (for the time being), so the pizza clothing is a shock, a SHOCK!

You know who does eat pizza? Katy Perry, in the bathtub, which I discovered watching “Part of Me” (so what, I watch documentaries of questionable content on Saturday mornings). And while searching for the scene, I discovered loads of people have saved the scene, and left off her head. So that’s disturbing – do people get off on this? Gross. Looks like it’s only safe to wear pizza pants, not eat pizza in the bathtub.

The Call of SUF!

Friday, December 20th, 2013

“And for added horror, the serving platter is an old Nazi plate with a Swastika on the bottom that a friend bought in an old abandoned Luftwaffe base in Germany.”

OH, LIKE WE WEREN’T GONNA POST THIS. C’MON!  While I understand and give props for ingenuity, I guess (I mean, do I?), this is just too good to be true in terms of SUF. One, it’s a mildly horrific visual. Two, it’s a Frankenstein bastardization of a turducken. Three, a NAZI PLATE TOO? File this under too much bad stuff at once. My head almost exploded when I read that it’s straight outta Lubbock, TX (the closest city that had a mall in my childhood).  How much would this even cost!?

(From Gothamist)