Kill Blog Kill: Bitter Feast DVD Giveaway
NEW! Contest rules! See below!
When we first read about the movie Bitter Feast last year, we were of course excited. A film about a chef who takes a food blogger hostage because of a bad review! It has all things we love: revenge, pettiness, murder, and.. well that’s more than enough for an excellent movie, because if you start adding more things we love you’re going to start having robots and suffragists and Rachel Zoe and that’s a lot in one bit of cinema.
We sent then an impassioned fan letter and they wrote back and called us, with talk of private screenings! At fancy hotels! Perhaps I went too far when I suggested it would be great if they had a private screening and then when the lights come up, a blogger in the audience is covered in blood, because we never heard from them again. Some people just don’t take themes seriously.
Anyway, we did hear from their publicist, who offered us a free DVD in the hopes that we would do a giveaway or post about the movie on our blog, and I wanted a DVD so I was all, sure, send a screener! And now the publicist has been so dogged and so nice that I can’t be a dick and blow it off, even though I still haven’t had time to watch the movie. Not that it matters, because admit it, you all want a free DVD too, whether it’s good or not! We are all hamsters really.
OK: WOW. I cannot read these haikus. Stick to your dayjobs, people! I’m giving one to buttercup. The other four go to the next people who email us at email@example.com and this is why I HATE GIVEAWAYS AND ALL OF THIS CRAP. Perhaps someone ought to make a movie about a blogger who takes a commenter hostage. Just thinking out loud here.
So we’re going to give out some free ones (I think 3? Maybe 5?!) to the writers of the best haikus in praise of Sandra Lee that appear in the comments or are emailed to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
For those not familiar, Sandra Lee is someone foodies love to hate, and obviously we love her. She is the First Partner in our state! Here are some of our thoughts on Ms. Lee:
The contest rules are that we will make a subjective and arbitrary decision based on our inner conception of what a good haiku is and what a proper tribute to Sandra Lee is. It’s possible a friend or relative of ours will win–they’re talented! OR IT COULD BE YOU. Our friends could just watch our copy. Deadline is Feb 1! ON YOUR MARKS.
Remember, a haiku is:
First line seven syllables
Second line is five
Last line is seven again
See what I did there? Basically created a wormhole by writing a haiku about haiku. Don’t steal my idea.
Breaking Holy Fuck News! Sharp-eyed comments readers will note that a savvy individual came along to tell us that haikus are actually five-seven-five, not seven-five-seven. Obviously we already kind of knew that because of still being alive and not sucked into the wormhole, but she explained why, and that’s important. In other news I found out today I have to wear glasses AND contacts at the same time, which, I know, is really sexy, but will likely prevent mistakes like this in the future.
Is the haiku thing too hard? Should we do something easier? Maybe just tell us how awesome we are and what you’d serve us if we came over to your house?