A Wall of Crust
No, a “wall of crust” is not the new thing Phil Spector is working on in prison (you’ll have to think about that one for a while). It’s what Jenni Konner, a television writer, loves about the hot new snack in town, lasagna cupcakes, according to the Wall Street Journal.
I know, it is totally revolting but OH MY GOD IT GETS SO MUCH WORSE.
First, Matt Poley of Heirloom-LA, the guy who invented them wants to kill language. He tells the WSJ reporter, “The truth is, it’s kind of hard to dog on a lasagna cupcake. As long as they aren’t scalding hot, you can eat them with your hands.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? How does one dog a cupcake? Then, he uses “lasagna cupcake” as a verb.
Mr. Poley makes the lasagna cupcakes in all different sorts of flavors. A dozen of them are standard, including the mac and cheese, a Bolognese and one with short ribs. Others depend on the season.
“It’s all market driven,” said Mr. Poley, who is working on a cookbook tentatively titled “Animals and Cupcakes.
“When corn rolls around, we’ll make them with corn. Or sweet peas. It’s really hard to do pumpkin year-round. Maybe we’ll come back from a party with some pork ribs that went uneaten and make some barbecue pork rib lasagna cupcakes. That’s where our beef stroganoff idea came from. We just lasagna cupcake’d it.”
HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING? In Cairo people are riding camels into riots and fighting for their lives and this guy is all “it’s hard to dog a cupcake, and then we lasagna cupcake’d it.” Also where the fuck did the apostrophe come from?
Then there is this brilliant endorsement of the product by a woman who lasgana cupcake’d her wedding:
“Brides aren’t supposed to eat, but I couldn’t stop,” Ms. Fox said. “They’re uniformly delicious. If you thought a beet lasagna cupcake was disgusting, you’d be wrong. This just in: it was delicious, too.”
I was not previously aware that brides are not supposed to eat, but I am really curious to know if Ms. Fox’s wedding was the one mentioned on Heirloom-LA’s website where “the entire menu was turned into Tacos at the end of the night so guests could keep their groove on.” They taco’d the menu!