Shut Up, Bacon #72299: That’s A Stretch

New Rising Media reports “Study Shows Eating Bacon Will Make You Live Longer,” an incredibly misleading headline about a study in which scientists tested roundworms with doses of niacin. My favorite part of this report? “The vitamin [niacin] is also rich in the likes of Marmite, paprika, peanuts and sun-dried tomatoes.” Because, as we all know, Marmite is one of the leafy greens found in the wild known for its properties of longevity. (Do they know Marmite is a brand? Do they know it’s a spread created by humans?)

I mean, if you wanna eat bacon, just shut up and eat it already. It’s not going to make you live longer. If you love it, maybe you’ll enjoy your days more. If you write for SUF, however, you’ll die sooner because everyone keeps bro’ing out on it and it’s been driving you crazy for years.