McDonalds belatedly getting on the bacon bandwagon with these hilarious ironic images is about as painful as reading a NYT story on hip hop.

There is a tumblr simply entitled, Monkeys Eating Bacon.  Oh. No.  Oh no no no.  Not the monkeys too!

Shut Up, Bacon.

And that goes double for ironic bacon.

We are in the midst of a bacon bubble—and a growing number of chefs (some of whom quietly admit they helped inflate the bubble to begin with) say it’s about to pop. Bacon had a good run, but now it has gone flabby—used too much and too often, it’s lost its novelty and coated fine dining with a ubiquitous veneer of porky grease.

You think? From the Wall Street Journal, which has run 361 articles mentioning bacon in the past two years.

Thank god Batter Blaster, the weaponized pancake batter that comes in a spray can, will soon have a bacon flavor. Because when drunk people come home and squirt liquid pancake into their mouths, they should have a range of flavors to choose from.

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned 456,874,398,473 times, I’m currently working at an office job rather than at home with my cats. True, it is a perversion of the natural order of things, but I’m kind of enjoying interacting with humans who don’t live within three blocks of me, being thanked and praised for the mildest of accomplishments, and the fact that at least once a week someone has a birthday or gets sent a cake or a box of candy or something.

Today it was a box of cookies from The Cravory. (See what they did there? Clevor.) The Cravory did not send us samples of all NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTY cookie flavors available at their retailory, but they sent a pretty big selection, including Ultimate Chocolate Chip, Lemon Cherry Basil, Oatmeal Pear Fig, Red Velvet, and… Pancakes and Bacon.

Naturally this caused some discussion amongst my colleagues, mainly along the lines of, “Gross,” “Is this for real?” and of course, “Who would eat them?”  We determined the most likely consumers to be heterosexual men, pregnant women, and hungover people of either gender, and left them on the counter with all the other cookies as bait to test our hypothesis. I wondered if I should announce I would be chronicling the experiment in my food-blog-that’s-not-really-about-food and figured I would keep my identity secret in order to maintain the integrity of the results.

While waiting for our subjects to participate, I looked at the Cravory website to find out more. First, although they advertise on the front page the NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTY flavors available via their “Create Your Own Cookie” service, the page for it has a disappointing “Coming Soon!” on it, looking rather lonesome. It expected to have 950 friends, I suppose.  On the “Signature Cookies” page they describe the Pancakes and Bacon cookie thusly:

The perfect combo of salty and sweet, Pancakes and Bacon is a supremely rich, yet playful alternative to any “Big Breakfast.” Rich mini maple chips, pure maple syrup, and hand-chopped Maple Smoked Bacon are carefully mixed in to a hearty Pancake batter dough. The complexity of this trendsetter cookie gives way to layer after layer of breakfasty flavor. Although this daring creation takes a walk on the wild side, P and B truly shines by showcasing the classy side of bacon and introducing it to the purest of gourmet ingredients. This cookie will blow your bacon and eggs out the Denny’s Window.

Blowing your meal out a window? That does sound classy.

As we go to press (ie, I have to get back to work), no one has taken the bacon bait. Fear not, fellow Scientists! I will update with any developments.

Breaking news, 6:05 pm–tried by a woman! Her report: “Strong maple flavor, can’t taste the bacon.” The end.

Verily, it is he. Sir Francis Bacon.

Time magazine’s Josh Ozersky on sub-par bacon:

Even more depressing is the fact that these flaccid slices are found sprawling, like rotting seaweed, atop the very sandwiches that promise veritable meatgasms upon consumption — the giant, multilevel calorie bombs that you see think pieces written about.

Animals in their pre-bacon state

Like cupcakes could ever be more irritating. Bacon is bigger than ever! It’s so big, it’s moving on to new animals. Chicago TimeOut says that chefs are now making bacon out of veal, beef, and lamb. Nothing is safe. We actually probably will have cupcake bacon before long.

First, she poses as a chicken-raising femivore for Dolce & Gabbana:

Then we read that bacon is her favorite food.

Call us in September.

From  Bears of Yosemite by M.E. Beatty:

It is certainly not advisable to place your slab of bacon under the mattress of a cot, as one lady visitor is reported to have done. Needless to say, she was rudely rolled off her cot by a bear during the middle of the night, and suffered both a loss of dignity and a slab of bacon.

Maybe it was the bacon fairy!