Surveillance, food police, outrageous bodies. Leslie Kinzel is a genius. Read it. The only thing wrong with this story is that there should be a photoshop of the above scenario for LOLs. Which is what we are here for!
If this isn’t hilarious enough for you, perhaps you’d like to send your squirt off to school with a Foucault thermos as a Statement.
(Yes, we have considered “Shut Up, Cafe Press.” OF COURSE WE HAVE. But this is a hobby, you know?)