It was all horrible. Laughing Cow smells alarmingly of nothing. On the tongue, it’s clammy and cold, chilled snot whiffing of silage. Dairylea is epically disgusting: baby-sick panna cotta. Cheestrings – technically not processed, but a heated, elongated cousin – sent me their “shots” to try: lentil-sized lumps that looked like Brian May’s dandruff.

Oliver Thring in Consider Processed Cheese on The Guardian today.  Chosen explicitly for the superfluously creative (read: borderline disgusting) language in insulting processed cheese.  And by the way, I do not approve of dissing Brian May.