Pizza Monster.

The LA Times says, “This is not a joke.” The Mirror calls Macauley’s take on Warhol’s eating a hamburger but with pizza, “deeply weird.” Noisey says the video shoot “smells like ass. A very doughy take on ass anyway.”  Stereogum added the final coup d’etat, “Yeezus? Fuck that, meet Cheezus.”

The Pizza Underground. I wanna see you live. I’ll borrow my girl Beyonce’s pizza getup and y’all better get ready.

Take Another Lil’ Pizza My Heart, Beyonce.

I’d say we all put our pizza pants on one leg at a time, but this is Beyonce, and she surely has some extra special, surprise! the pants are on at midnight! sort of way to dress herself. If I wore this outfit, I’d be ridiculed in the streets, but this is Beyonce, and she looks both quirky and fabulous, all at once. Does Beyonce even eat pizza? An article on E! points out that Bey is now vegan (for the time being), so the pizza clothing is a shock, a SHOCK!

You know who does eat pizza? Katy Perry, in the bathtub, which I discovered watching “Part of Me” (so what, I watch documentaries of questionable content on Saturday mornings). And while searching for the scene, I discovered loads of people have saved the scene, and left off her head. So that’s disturbing – do people get off on this? Gross. Looks like it’s only safe to wear pizza pants, not eat pizza in the bathtub.

Pizza: Evicted!

From HuffPo:

The owner of Grimaldi’s in Brooklyn has been served with eviction papers.  Dorothy Waxman says her tenant, Frank Ciolli, owes her $44,000.  Ciolli disputes how much he owes Waxman and says he paid his rent on time “for the most part.”

Have no fear, pizza/sceney folks – they’re moving to Manhattan anyway.  Seems kinda funny that the epitome of NYC pizza is getting kicked out for back rent, though.  It just makes it… so much more New Yorky.

Addendum from NBC News:

Ciolli also owes the city nearly $12,350 in property taxes and business improvement district charges,  according to court papers.

Now it just seems shady.  What the hell has been going on over there?

Take Me To Your Vendor

Dear Reader,

I’m as interested in urban myths as the next person, if the next person is really interested in urban myths every once in a while. How about the one where you can get used women’s panties from vending machines in Japan? Snopes says it’s true!

After reading that, the news from Slashfood that there are now vending machines that make pizza is a little less exciting. But think about it. Dirty underwear and pizza? Throw in a couple of beers and that’s Saturday night!

And if you want a more literary evening, check out these cigarette machines being repurposed as book vendors, which is pretty rad. —Snacktime

Pizza Open Carry

I’ve written before of my love for the @PDXFoodieCritic Twitter account and its strange fascination with pizza delivery crimes across the nation. Well, today was a big day because a pizza person fought back and won. According to the local newscast, Scott Parsons, of Pennington County, South Dakota, suffered a broken leg when he was attacked but managed to shoot the perp in the back as the villain fled. Police later apprehended the guy when he sought medical help for his gunshot wound.

I don’t wish to make light of crime or gunfights, but I am imagining the heart of PDXFoodieCritic smiling today. However, if you’d like to read more about South Dakota’s gun laws (note on the link that the anchor mentions other shootings the same night) check out this Wikipedia page. There’s also this scary open carry discussion page.


Eat Local? Eat Locust!

What could be more locavore than going outside, getting some indigenous wildlife and putting it on your pizza? That’s just what folks in Mildura, Australia, did when they suffered a plague of locusts this year. It makes sense—when life gives you locusts, make locust pizza!

There is no reason foodies all over can’t adopt this pest-foraging to include the snails, worms, and other urban snacks they come across in the urban jungle. No need for chickens in the backyard when you’ve got ants in the kitchen, right? Or you could use locusts to expand your knowledge of world cuisine. The Desert Locust Information Service, part of the Migratory Pests Group, has several recipes, including ones from Cambodia and Swaziland.

Here’s one:

[T]ake several dozen locust adults, preferably females, slit the abdomen lengthwise and stuff a peanut inside. Then lightly grill the locusts in a wok or hot frying pan, adding a little oil and salt to taste. Be careful not to overcook or burn them.

I applaud Mayor Greg Milne for working to elevate the lowly locust, and I think he has a good chance of making them into a hot commodity. Nothing attracts foodies like scarcity, and locusts only come every seven years. That’s less often than ramps!

Law & Order: Pizza

One of the Twitter accounts we signed up to follow is @PDXFoodieCritic. I admit that I figured it would be comedy gold. I mean come on, Portland. But it’s actually not obnoxious—it’s not even usually about food! PDXFoodie mourns sea lions who die in captivity, posts the occasional Medifast advertisement, and is concerned with what local Girl Scouts are up to.

One food-related topic they do cover extensively is crimes involving pizza delivery people. Which is not at all funny but it is sort of weird that they are so on top of it internationally. I am picturing some guy in with a police scanner and an algorithm that knows “pizza” in every language. Check it out:

Pizza delivery man killed on Flint’s northeast side last night|FLINT, Michigan ? A pizza delivery man was shot ..     about 2 hours ago  via API 

Pizza delivery man attacked in Unanderra|A pizza delivery man was knocked to the ground and robbed in an attack ..    about 20 hours ago  via API 

Pizza Guy Fends Off Attacker To Deliver Pie|A New York City pizza deliveryman outwitted an armed robber trying to ..     7:17 AM Apr 7th  via API 

Off-duty cop disarms pizza shop robber|An off-duty police officer has disarmed a robber trying to hold up a pizza ..     5:12 PM Apr 6th  via API 

Gun-toting bandit robs Sault pizza parlour|SAULT STE. MARIE ? A west-end pizzeria was robbed at gunpoint Tuesday ..     11:18 AM Apr 7th  via API 

Pizza Hut Worker Robbed During Delivery|A pizza delivery man gets robbed during a routine day of work. ..     11:19 AM Apr 6th  via API 

Harlem Man Fights Robbers While Delivering Pizza|A pizza deliveryman went the extra mile and then some in order ..     9:16 AM Apr 6th  via API 

PDXFoodieCritic!! You are a mystery unto me. The bio says “Food and Restaurant Critic for Oregon specializing in Portland Italian, Pizza, Mexican, Thai, Korean, Food Carts, Casual Dining, and Trendy Portland Restaurants,” but there is no URL. Actually I don’t even want to know the truth. Long after SUF fades away, I will still be following these people.