Instead Of Explaining Why You Don’t Like Something, Just Say That It’s Hipster

Really it’s the laziest, laziest thing to do. It’s meaningless. I thought it was hilarious when SUF first started and some people said “Oh, it’s just a bunch of hipsters making fun of food culture,” while others said “It’s awesome! they make fun of hipster foodies,” depending on if they liked us or not. Because if you don’t like something, it must be hipster. Why bother to engage with it, or figure out why you are intimidated or why you don’t like it, or think at all, when you have a kneejerk, ahistorical, insider-feeling label to stick on it? Sometimes people pop up in the comments with anti-hipster rants and I delete those suckers like an Old Testament God, or Meatball when she’s hung over. And I’ll do it on this one too! Take it to your own blogs, people.

I have no stake in this game—I’m a chubby middle-aged catlady—but lordy there is no crime against having good hair and caring about music. Get over your issues and take people for who they are, not for what you’ve decided about them because they happen to be wearing a certain kind of jeans.

So I say to you, Esquire magazine, about your “7 Steps to Survive the Hipster Coffee Trend“—with bonus misogynistic line about estrogen levels—shut up.


Things That Solve Problems You Never Knew You Had


“They are not only the hottest grilling accessory of the season, but with four fantastic collections to choose from Grill Charms™ make the perfect gift for any occasion!”

It is also super-awesome that they are listed under “Men’s Grilling Accessories.” But fear not, lady grillers. You won’t have to mark your steaks with lipstick because there is a special “Pink Collection” just for you. And it includes a breast cancer ribbon charm. What could be more appetizing? You can serve it to your friends right after you all get mammograms and pedicures.  Somehow I don’t think this is a subtle reference to the fact that barbecuing has been linked to cancer. Other designs in the pink collection include a shoe and a glass of champagne. Strangely, no tampons or pregnancy tests. Maybe for Mother’s Day.


Cupcakes and Gender Essentialism

I feel really bad that until now I didn’t realize men are afraid to eat cupcakes for fear of appearing girly. Poor men! Sure, they make more money than women, but what good is privilege if you can’t have a cupcake with it?

Thankfully, Butch Bakery is here to help. There is no risk of pastry feminization when you are snacking on cupcake flavors like Jackhammer, Driller, or Beer Run. Honestly, I’m kind of in awe at how they’ve made good on their promise to “stay far away from the cliché.” Nothing says “manly” and “not clichéd” like a Home Run cupcake, described as “more fun than getting to third base.” BTW, the Home Run contains: bacon. Which is also not a cliché.

Why not go all the way, Butch Bakery? There you are at third base, when you could have hit it out of the park and called them mancakes. It’s so obvious that the “cup” in “cupcakes” refers to bra size and we all know only ladies wear bras. I’ve lost faith in your entire enterprise at this point.

Also, what the hell are trans folks supposed to do? WHERE ARE THEIR CUPCAKES/MANCAKES—TRANSCAKES?


PS My favorite part of the website is where they say they cannot guarantee their products are nut free.