Shut Up Vegans

From a friend, who sent it to me with the comment “Sometimes I don’t miss Portland at all.”

No, really, that is ALL a discussion of whether requiring someone to be vegan to work at a vegan restaurant is discriminatory. My absolute favorite is “when there are plenty of vegans who would have their life enriched by working for an all-vegan business, why give the position to someone who simply needed a job?”

Be vegan, don’t be vegan, I support your diet choices, my friends, even if like me you eat honey-roasted peanuts and Pepsi for dinner. 

But this reminds me of my annoyance with most so-called “radical” spaces—they become ways for people to purify their lives and feel superior to/exclude others rather than to make actual change in the world. 

PDX’s Burgerville Puts Calories On Receipts

Link: PDX’s Burgerville Puts Calories On Receipts

Portland Oregon’s Burgerville is now printing receipts with all the nutritional info on your order, straight to your hot little hands.

If a customer orders a burger without mayonnaise, the calorie count will reflect that change and show the correct calorie total. The receipts also show the amount of protein, fat and carbohydrates in a customer’s order.

Actually seems cool, modern, and… well, don’t shut up, Burgerville.

From the Gut: Portland Has Food Trucks, Donut Burgers and Now, Cutting Edge Anti-Hipster Technology

Link: From the Gut: Portland Has Food Trucks, Donut Burgers and Now, Cutting Edge Anti-Hipster Technology

Because in a recession, one must be picky.  How’s this going down, you ask?

Building his new Barista with no electrical outlets in the dining room and designing the floor with tiny little tables set at a height too low for working on your laptop.

Just wondering – does this infringe on ADA laws?  But there is some good news – the active anti-foodie groundrules!

Refuse to serve anything with cilantro, lemongrass, mango or bacon. Say this is because of an obscure religious prohibition (snake-handler, Christian Scientist, Church of Scientology), and make your announcement via Yelp.

Alternately, don’t use the words “organic,” “local,” “sustainable,” “green” or “farm-to-table” anywhere on your menu. This will allow you to slip completely below the radar of the local foodistas and operate your business in relative peace.

Law & Order: Pizza

One of the Twitter accounts we signed up to follow is @PDXFoodieCritic. I admit that I figured it would be comedy gold. I mean come on, Portland. But it’s actually not obnoxious—it’s not even usually about food! PDXFoodie mourns sea lions who die in captivity, posts the occasional Medifast advertisement, and is concerned with what local Girl Scouts are up to.

One food-related topic they do cover extensively is crimes involving pizza delivery people. Which is not at all funny but it is sort of weird that they are so on top of it internationally. I am picturing some guy in with a police scanner and an algorithm that knows “pizza” in every language. Check it out:

Pizza delivery man killed on Flint’s northeast side last night|FLINT, Michigan ? A pizza delivery man was shot ..     about 2 hours ago  via API 

Pizza delivery man attacked in Unanderra|A pizza delivery man was knocked to the ground and robbed in an attack ..    about 20 hours ago  via API 

Pizza Guy Fends Off Attacker To Deliver Pie|A New York City pizza deliveryman outwitted an armed robber trying to ..     7:17 AM Apr 7th  via API 

Off-duty cop disarms pizza shop robber|An off-duty police officer has disarmed a robber trying to hold up a pizza ..     5:12 PM Apr 6th  via API 

Gun-toting bandit robs Sault pizza parlour|SAULT STE. MARIE ? A west-end pizzeria was robbed at gunpoint Tuesday ..     11:18 AM Apr 7th  via API 

Pizza Hut Worker Robbed During Delivery|A pizza delivery man gets robbed during a routine day of work. ..     11:19 AM Apr 6th  via API 

Harlem Man Fights Robbers While Delivering Pizza|A pizza deliveryman went the extra mile and then some in order ..     9:16 AM Apr 6th  via API 

PDXFoodieCritic!! You are a mystery unto me. The bio says “Food and Restaurant Critic for Oregon specializing in Portland Italian, Pizza, Mexican, Thai, Korean, Food Carts, Casual Dining, and Trendy Portland Restaurants,” but there is no URL. Actually I don’t even want to know the truth. Long after SUF fades away, I will still be following these people.

Case in Point: Salt

Link: Case in Point: Salt

Complete with English-major-turned-foodie descriptions:

“Master In-Shan’s Oyster bamboo salt 9x smells like something dragons must use to season their victims before eating them”

And one that must be quoted in its entirety:

If salt were beer, Murray Darling finishing salt would be the frothy head of a crisp Lager. It starts as snowmelt from the Australian Alps descending to the Murray Darling basin, where a combination of low rainfall and high evaporation have created high concentrations of salt in the groundwater.

Murray Darling Australian finishing salt’s pink-tinged crystals (much peach-rose-pinker than in the photo!), which gain their color from carotene produced by algae that lives in the underground brine, have a cotton-candy texture that imparts a sense of ineffable lightness. The flakes have a note of sweetness, and are uncannily un-salty. This, together with the low moisture content and fine texture, position Murray River as more of a topping than a salt.

Unless used on a dry surface, such as goat cheese or scantily dressed greens, Murray Darling finishing salt should only be applied at the table, just before eating. Strangely, given its superlative subtlety, it is unabashedly elegant on that rare caprese salade made from explosively ripe back-yard garden tomatoes, sweet basil, and springy-yet-yielding bufala mozzarella.