New Rising Media reports “Study Shows Eating Bacon Will Make You Live Longer,” an incredibly misleading headline about a study in which scientists tested roundworms with doses of niacin. My favorite part of this report? “The vitamin [niacin] is also rich in the likes of Marmite, paprika, peanuts and sun-dried tomatoes.” Because, as we all know, Marmite is one of the leafy greens found in the wild known for its properties of longevity. (Do they know Marmite is a brand? Do they know it’s a spread created by humans?)
I mean, if you wanna eat bacon, just shut up and eat it already. It’s not going to make you live longer. If you love it, maybe you’ll enjoy your days more. If you write for SUF, however, you’ll die sooner because everyone keeps bro’ing out on it and it’s been driving you crazy for years.
This is my favorite part, though—topic transition of the year, methinks!
Barley & Grain in New York offers a Bacon Manhattan, while Double Down Saloon in Las Vegas serves a Bacon Martini.
A spreading virus called porcine epidemic diarrhea may curb gains in pork production. Reported in 19 states since April, the virus slows growth of older hogs and has a mortality rate as high as 100 percent in suckling pigs younger than three weeks, data from the Iowa Pork Industry Center data shows.
DOUBLE DOWN INDEED. I wish you all a new year free from porcine epidemics and full of baconless martinis.
SORRY CAN’T TYPE BUSY GRINDING MY TEETH TO NUBS AT THE CONCEPT OF A BACON YULE LOG
. OH WAIT ONE MORE THING AND I WILL GO TO LOWER CASE FOR THIS BUT KNOW IN YOUR HEART I AM STILL SHOUTING:
Not only is Applegate ruining something I consider holy, Christmas decorations, but their website has a section called FAQS. THIS MAKES ME CRAZY LIKE A CRAZY CRAZED PERSON. What does “FAQ” stand for? “Frequently Asked Questions.” IT IS ALREADY PLURAL. You literally cannot have FAQS. I WILL ROONEY THIS TO MY GRAVE.
We are in the midst of a bacon bubble—and a growing number of chefs (some of whom quietly admit they helped inflate the bubble to begin with) say it’s about to pop. Bacon had a good run, but now it has gone flabby—used too much and too often, it’s lost its novelty and coated fine dining with a ubiquitous veneer of porky grease.
Thank god Batter Blaster, the weaponized pancake batter that comes in a spray can, will soon have a bacon flavor. Because when drunk people come home and squirt liquid pancake into their mouths, they should have a range of flavors to choose from.