Author: Meatball

Shut Up, Bacon #72299: That’s A Stretch

New Rising Media reports “Study Shows Eating Bacon Will Make You Live Longer,” an incredibly misleading headline about a study in which scientists tested roundworms with doses of niacin. My favorite part of this report? “The vitamin [niacin] is also rich in the likes of Marmite, paprika, peanuts and sun-dried tomatoes.” Because, as we all know, Marmite is one of the leafy greens found in the wild known for its properties of longevity. (Do they know Marmite is a brand? Do they know it’s a spread created by humans?)

I mean, if you wanna eat bacon, just shut up and eat it already. It’s not going to make you live longer. If you love it, maybe you’ll enjoy your days more. If you write for SUF, however, you’ll die sooner because everyone keeps bro’ing out on it and it’s been driving you crazy for years.

I can’t.

Zack Morris

A glance at the list of restaurants celebrating their 10th anniversaries in 2014 makes it clear that 2004, like the years 1967 and 1991 in music, or 1939 and 1999 in film, was a game-changer for the city’s restaurant scene.

From The New York Times’ article 2004, the Year That Changed How We Dine; 12/30/2013

My eyes just rolled out of my head and down the hallway, out the door and into the street and got ran over by a livery cab. This comparison is the pits, NYT. THE PITS. Ugh.

Pizza Monster.

The LA Times says, “This is not a joke.” The Mirror calls Macauley’s take on Warhol’s eating a hamburger but with pizza, “deeply weird.” Noisey says the video shoot “smells like ass. A very doughy take on ass anyway.”  Stereogum added the final coup d’etat, “Yeezus? Fuck that, meet Cheezus.”

The Pizza Underground. I wanna see you live. I’ll borrow my girl Beyonce’s pizza getup and y’all better get ready.

Take Another Lil’ Pizza My Heart, Beyonce.

I’d say we all put our pizza pants on one leg at a time, but this is Beyonce, and she surely has some extra special, surprise! the pants are on at midnight! sort of way to dress herself. If I wore this outfit, I’d be ridiculed in the streets, but this is Beyonce, and she looks both quirky and fabulous, all at once. Does Beyonce even eat pizza? An article on E! points out that Bey is now vegan (for the time being), so the pizza clothing is a shock, a SHOCK!

You know who does eat pizza? Katy Perry, in the bathtub, which I discovered watching “Part of Me” (so what, I watch documentaries of questionable content on Saturday mornings). And while searching for the scene, I discovered loads of people have saved the scene, and left off her head. So that’s disturbing – do people get off on this? Gross. Looks like it’s only safe to wear pizza pants, not eat pizza in the bathtub.

The Call of SUF!

“And for added horror, the serving platter is an old Nazi plate with a Swastika on the bottom that a friend bought in an old abandoned Luftwaffe base in Germany.”

OH, LIKE WE WEREN’T GONNA POST THIS. C’MON!  While I understand and give props for ingenuity, I guess (I mean, do I?), this is just too good to be true in terms of SUF. One, it’s a mildly horrific visual. Two, it’s a Frankenstein bastardization of a turducken. Three, a NAZI PLATE TOO? File this under too much bad stuff at once. My head almost exploded when I read that it’s straight outta Lubbock, TX (the closest city that had a mall in my childhood).  How much would this even cost!?

(From Gothamist)

What we’ve been sayin!

Laurel Miller knocks it down in an article entitled “Dropping the F-Bomb: why ‘foodie’ needs to go away” today:

I’m not saying it’s wrong to spend disposable income, if you have it, on costly ingredients or dining out. But the fetishizing of food, the pissing contest that is the hallmark of the archetypal foodie is what I cannot abide. This is what’s at the heart of foodieism; the need to belong to a special club, with a language all its own. In our status-obsessed society, we need to separate ourselves from the plebes who think that the Olive Garden is serving “Italian” food.

The article pretty much hits the nail on the head.