Shut Up, Doodies!

Actual picture of L’s lunch

A friend of mine just returned from his summer session in Europe, and said he’d had a wonderful time, romping around, trying new cuisine, learning the law & taking names.  Then he said “I ate andouillette by accident, thinking it was going to be like tasty andouille sausage, like from n’awlins.”

Cut to frantic researching so I can follow –

French andouillette, on the other hand, is an acquired taste and can be an interesting challenge even for adventurous eaters who don’t object to the taste or aroma of feces. It is sometimes eaten cold, as in picnic baskets. Served cold and sliced thinly, the smell, taste, and texture may be mistaken for an andouille [a milder, less stinky sausage], but on closer inspection the texture is considerably more rubbery and the meat has a more feces-like flavor.

Meatball:  So, did it really taste and smell like poop?

L: Yes, I thought it was going to be like andouille or merguez or something – and I don’t speak a word of French, but I thought it’d be “Andouillette! Little delicious sausages!” So it shows up, with a side of fries…

Meatball: like a big TURD!

L: I thought there is no way around it, this looks like a disgusting animal penis. Seriously.

Meatball: hahaahahah!

L: I was horrified and was like, “ok I need to QUICKLY cut this up so that people don’t start to laugh” – it looked like an animal penis a la Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something from a gross-out movie.  So I cut it open, and these horrifying pieces of godknowswhat tumble out everywhere – oh my god it was fucking crazy.  I thought it was a joke – sitting outside this cafe, all these people around.

Meatball:  Alas, it wasn’t.

L: No.  So then I actually fucking tried it.  I bite into it and almost vomited for the second time because it just tasted like bathroom business and organ meat, and it was SO squishy – SO squishy and chewy.

Meatball: ew ew ew

L: It was literally the most disgusting thing I’ve ever eaten.  It wasn’t even a sausage.  It was literally like a crusty colon case filled with chunks of other mysterious organ meat.

Meatball:  At least you gave it the ol’ college try?  Note to self:  Do not order.

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