As a full-figured cat, I’ve had my share of food issues over the years. It seems like no matter what I do, it’s hard to lose weight. For one thing, I’m a compulsive eater. Loud noise? I will eat. Raining? Maybe just a little kibble. Just woke up from a nap? Better check the bowl. If there’s no food, I’ll just eat paper or drive everyone crazy by knocking things over and meowing pitifully nonstop.
It’s really hard because I live with my girlfriend Monster, who is one of those cats who can eat whatever she wants and not gain weight. Her food is up on a windowsill that I can’t reach—when I see her up there eating, it just reminds me of my failures. And I want to eat.
I’ve been working on portion control and got one of those bowls with a timer that feeds me once per day. But I’ve always had trust issues—the timer is set to go off at 6 am, but every morning at about 5:30, I get so worked up at the thought that the battery might be dead or the feeder might be empty that I wake everyone up by MEOWING A LOT and sticking my paw into various mouths if that doesn’t work. I still haven’t lost much weight.
Being a fat cat is no fun. People have no qualms making fun of my size to my face. It’s like they can’t even see my great personality or how freaking cuddly I am. Noo, it’s all about fat cat shaming. Look, you don’t know what my life was like before I came to live here. I have issues.
So when I heard about a Tufts University study (yes I heard about it—cats can’t read) that found many diet pet foods have inaccurate information and may even lead to weight gain, well, it made me feel a little better about the whole thing.
Time now a little nosh before I go back to sleep.