Law & Order: Pizza

One of the Twitter accounts we signed up to follow is @PDXFoodieCritic. I admit that I figured it would be comedy gold. I mean come on, Portland. But it’s actually not obnoxious—it’s not even usually about food! PDXFoodie mourns sea lions who die in captivity, posts the occasional Medifast advertisement, and is concerned with what local Girl Scouts are up to.

One food-related topic they do cover extensively is crimes involving pizza delivery people. Which is not at all funny but it is sort of weird that they are so on top of it internationally. I am picturing some guy in with a police scanner and an algorithm that knows “pizza” in every language. Check it out:

Pizza delivery man killed on Flint’s northeast side last night|FLINT, Michigan ? A pizza delivery man was shot ..     about 2 hours ago  via API 

Pizza delivery man attacked in Unanderra|A pizza delivery man was knocked to the ground and robbed in an attack ..    about 20 hours ago  via API 

Pizza Guy Fends Off Attacker To Deliver Pie|A New York City pizza deliveryman outwitted an armed robber trying to ..     7:17 AM Apr 7th  via API 

Off-duty cop disarms pizza shop robber|An off-duty police officer has disarmed a robber trying to hold up a pizza ..     5:12 PM Apr 6th  via API 

Gun-toting bandit robs Sault pizza parlour|SAULT STE. MARIE ? A west-end pizzeria was robbed at gunpoint Tuesday ..     11:18 AM Apr 7th  via API 

Pizza Hut Worker Robbed During Delivery|A pizza delivery man gets robbed during a routine day of work. ..     11:19 AM Apr 6th  via API 

Harlem Man Fights Robbers While Delivering Pizza|A pizza deliveryman went the extra mile and then some in order ..     9:16 AM Apr 6th  via API 

PDXFoodieCritic!! You are a mystery unto me. The bio says “Food and Restaurant Critic for Oregon specializing in Portland Italian, Pizza, Mexican, Thai, Korean, Food Carts, Casual Dining, and Trendy Portland Restaurants,” but there is no URL. Actually I don’t even want to know the truth. Long after SUF fades away, I will still be following these people.