The Times has a story today on “cooking schools gone wild”—rafting trips and other types of adventure travel that incorporate gourmet cuisine. I know I’m being a giant grump here, but COME ON. Do you really need a chef-created meal after a day of rock-climbing? Isn’t some of the fun of it that you eat weird trail food? Where’s the mother-freaking s’mores and the hash browns that are half burnt and half raw? For the love of god, what about the freeze-dried ice cream? That’s like being an astronaut in the woods.

This piece also pushes one of my huge-o buttons—no, not any of the many ones I have previously talked about here, a new one—it doesn’t give the price of any of the trips. THIS DRIVES ME BANANAS. Not mentioning the price ignores the privilege that makes this kind of “experiential” travel possible. I’m not saying these folks can’t go on their “We ate strawberry trifle made on hot coals” trips but to present them as ordinary things a typical American might do is fucked up. For you, dear readers, I did the work the Times failed to do.  Here are the prices of trips mentioned in the piece:

Royal Tine Camp Cook School, two week “culinary session’: $1700

ROW Adventures “culinary white water” trip, Hell’s Canyon: $1,385

OAR “wilderness gourmet trip: $1306

None of these include travel to the launch site. So for a couple, you’d be spending at least $3000. For a family of four, close to $6000. According to VISA’s annual travel survey research, fewer than 10% of Americans spend that much on their vacation. So if your camping trip this year is BYOChef, don’t feel bad—you’ll at least have all the trail mix to yourself.