Bear with me here. I was in another one of our local fancy fooderies because, no joke, I enjoy going in and looking at the $8 candy bars. Eight dollars! And I was thinking, well maybe it would be great if all candy and food like this cost a fortune, because then people would eat less of it and it would be kind of like how gas costs so much more in Europe (“petrol” for you Brits) and therefore they drive less. But of course there is not artisanal gas. Yet.
Then I became distracted by the conversation going on between the owner guy and a customer about beers and blended beers and all kinds of malarkey about the types of yeast Americans use, vs those in other countries and then they were making fun of the people at a nanobrewery—not a microbrewery! smaller—who maybe didn’t know what they were doing and were releasing some kind of gas into the air above the beer. In case you aren’t clear, this is apparently super amateur. It was that kind of hilarious dude one-upmanship combined with gearhead talk that makes me laugh on any topic.
As they continued to chat, and I continued to eavesdrop, I got even more distracted, as I often do in this store, because the owner looks exactly like this (cute) musician I know who is the only person alive who still uses the term “indie rock” and who is totally the kind of person who would engage in such sensitive guy territory marking. (I call them “Elfa Males.” Get it?) Anyway, I lost track of the beer talk.
But that’s OK because it was then that it hit me—probably half of this foodie stuff, at least the parts in Brooklyn, Seattle, and Portland (SEE A PATTERN?), is from musicians, or frustrated musicians! God, I have been so blind!
Think about it. Who has more time, when they aren’t on the road, or even when they are on it, to obsess about food? Who loooooves equipment? That’s right: Musicians. And let’s face it, some of them can perhaps tend to be maybe just a little tiny tiny bit self involved.
More evidence: Moby owns a precious tea emporium, Eric Erlandson sells raw vegan food, and Ted Nugent has a cookbook, as does Sarah McLachlan (shocker). There is a whole website devoted to cooking with rock stars. People, Shane Fucking McGowan is going to have a cooking show. What is he going to cook? His liver?
The rise of foodies and the decline of the music industry can’t be coincidental. Basically I am beginning to suspect that the whole thing is due to Napster. I will crunch some numbers and get back to you all on this.
—Snacktime