Sure, Foodies enjoy the many bacon products that are on the market now, but what about after the revolution?
When you’re living in your backyard shelter—formerly the chicken coop—and wishing you’d made good on that promise to move to Canada (socialized medicine and bacon), you’ll be happy you invested in some Tactical Bacon, guaranteed to last for ten years.
—Snacktime
From alwayshungryny.com:
Donuts arrive top-coated in a frosting-like glaze that is sprinkled with chewy, salty-sweet bacon bits. If you’re sharing, be prepared to fight for these bites. Of course, the real move is to dunk a bacon-studded nub in the excellent accompanying homemade coffee ice cream.
Apparently, this was born out of a BBQ-off whereupon Chef “Big Lou” from Wildwood Barbecue (NYC) was saddened by the lack of dessert meat in his life, so he added these to his menu.
We are one step away from Bacon Pie, y’all.
Via Daily Fork
First, turn the sound down on your computer. Then, head over to Boss Hogg’s Bacon is Meat Candy Bacon Club, “Where ‘Baconism is More Than a Mere Philosophy, It’s Our Very Way of Life!” You can recline on your bacon pillow, slather on some bacon lip balm, and eat some bacon candy. Which is, ironically, strawberry flavored. There is also a chocolate-and-bacon concoction called sueyts. (Get it?)
Or perhaps you prefer the sophisticated bacon stylings of the Royal Bacon Society, where they blog about bacon, share bacon recipes, discuss bacon pet products, and even have a section on bacon porn! (Dear Reader: I did not click.) There are people getting bacon tattoos. They are putting it in tea. Bacon tea.
I don’t get it. Why? Why? Why bacon? Why? Is it because it is salty? Is it because it is fatty? Is it because it is from pigs? Why bacon? WHY WHY IS BACON THE HELLO KITTY OF FOOD? WHY?
Not only that but loooooooooving bacon is now this kind of shorthand for loooooving life. It’s like the Rachel Weisz character in the movie version of “The Constant Gardener.” She’s a lusty earthy lady who is possibly having lusty earthy affairs as she traipses around Kenya saving children. Her character is so lusty that she is always doing succulent things like picking grapes off the table and eating them with her fingers, and sucking the spoon as she makes soup because she is so freaking sensual and fertile that she has to keep shoving it in your face or she’s going to have a baby right then and there or something.
If that movie were made today, she’d be eating bacon all the freakin time.
I’m fairly certain most of us, especially those weather-weary souls from the Oregon Trail, know the beauty of bacon. Bacon is pretty great, yes. Bacon as an internet meme, an “I Can Haz Cheezburger” phenomenon, well, not so great. Actually pretty annoying.
In the same vein as hipsters desiring praise for running errands, the bacon realization movement is just lazy, and subsequently, overdone. Bacon marmalade, bacon ice cream, chocolate-covered bacon, bacon cotton candy, bacon tattoos, bacontoday.com, bacon songs, ironic t-shirts with bacon on them, “I wonder if they can make bacon-flavored bacon,” bacon bras… STOP IT. STOP IT ALREADY. What the hell is next? A massive internerd following of salt? SALT IS SO GREAT. LET’S SALT EVERYTHING! HERE’S SOME SALT UNDERWEAR!
I just feel for the little piggies. I’m sure there is someone out there, designing a Chick-Fil-A-esque “Eat Less Bacon” sign?
I feel really bad that until now I didn’t realize men are afraid to eat cupcakes for fear of appearing girly. Poor men! Sure, they make more money than women, but what good is privilege if you can’t have a cupcake with it?
Thankfully, Butch Bakery is here to help. There is no risk of pastry feminization when you are snacking on cupcake flavors like Jackhammer, Driller, or Beer Run. Honestly, I’m kind of in awe at how they’ve made good on their promise to “stay far away from the cliché.” Nothing says “manly” and “not clichéd” like a Home Run cupcake, described as “more fun than getting to third base.” BTW, the Home Run contains: bacon. Which is also not a cliché.
Why not go all the way, Butch Bakery? There you are at third base, when you could have hit it out of the park and called them mancakes. It’s so obvious that the “cup” in “cupcakes” refers to bra size and we all know only ladies wear bras. I’ve lost faith in your entire enterprise at this point.
Also, what the hell are trans folks supposed to do? WHERE ARE THEIR CUPCAKES/MANCAKES—TRANSCAKES?
—Snacktime
PS My favorite part of the website is where they say they cannot guarantee their products are nut free.
So, we started following some foodies on Twitter, you know, to become part of the community and also have fodder. Bad idea. After reading a post about someone making black pepper and veal stock ice cream—no, really—I foolishly clicked on its accompanying link. Why? What did I expect to find? A mother cow and her baby, not knowing that soon her milk and his congealed essence would soon be frozen together and ingested? (Yes, I am the vegetarian of the Foodie staff.)
However, what is worse than misguided meat eating is fucking with ice cream! There are 478,563,478,563,498,756 kinds of ice cream out there. At least. Throw in ice milk, sherbet, sorbet, soy ice cream, raw ice cream, rice ice cream and god knows what else, and you could probably eat a new flavor every day until you die. There is no need to make ice cream edgy.
And yet, here are recipes for such “innovative” flavors as bacon ice cream (if you are playing the SUF bacon drinking game, drink now), caviar ice cream, and one flavor whose only ingredients are water, sugar, low-sodium soy sauce and orange zest. This sounds like something they would eat during the famine portion of The Good Earth.
Here is my ice cream recipe. On a hot day, go get a scoop of ice cream.
—Snacktime
Link: Shut Up, Bacon
“I think unctuous is the perfect word for bacon marmalade.”
There will be more on this topic. Much, much more.
—Snacktime
